Oh, what keeps me up at night!

It takes me several hours to fall asleep lately. Apparently, people think that I'm stressed out and my mind must be occupied with stressful things. However, I'm not stressed. My mind is just boggled with boring, random junk. Here is a sampling:

1. One night, I thought about P.D.Q Bach. If you were ever in band, you should know who P.D.Q. Bach is. It is band geek humor. I used to get a chuckle out of one of his songs that ended in five whole notes instead of the traditional two. Yep, hilarious as I'm sure you can see. We played a song that had members of the band gargle at one point. (What a nerd I was). Band geeks love him anyway. I'm thinking about getting one of his CD's but I'm turned off by the fact that they have a laugh track.

2. Another night, I thought about sex reassignment surgery. I don't want to change my sex, but I was wondering if it was covered by insurance. It isn't. Then I thought about if I owned a business would I want it covered? I would. I think that gender identity disorder is real and as of right now, the only treatment we really have is sex reassignment surgery. What really made up my mind on the subject was the book "As Nature Made Him" about a boy who had a botched circumcision and so they raised him as a girl. Well, that boy/girl developed gender identity disorder although s/he never knew that s/he was born a boy. Good book, well, if you like depressing, true stories.

So, I figured that if the insurance carrier didn't cover it, I would offer to pay for the surgery. Then I realized that I would then have every transsexual trying to work for me and then quit once the surgery was done. So, I would do a matching program. Same problem.

There was no solution, but then again, I don't own a company in which someone is trying to get insurance coverage for sex reassignment surgery. The thought just kept me up at night.

3. Another night, I thought about WYNN stock. I told my father to buy it at $14 and he said that casinos were too risky. It's now at $66 and had a high of $75. Too risky? I knew it would do well, at least to start, because owning a casino is like printing your own money. I wish I had enough money that I could have invested. If you invested $10,000 when at $14 and sold at $66 you would have over $47,000. I should totally be an investment banker.

4. Another night, I was haunted by an incident in my past. In high school, I had a humanities class where the teacher insisted that we bring in an art project made out of food. I came up with the idea of filling an egg with a syringe with red food coloring. Taking it to class, cracking it open, exposing the "blood" filled egg, and then declaring the name of the piece, "Abortion". Unfortunately, I'm pro-choice and I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't think of a solution to the problem, so I simply didn't complete it and failed that assignment. I came up with a solution though as I was trying to fall asleep. I would simply change the title to "the Miracle of Birth". That only took 20 years to come up with, and people say I'm lazy. I'll take that "A" now, Ms. Hewlitt.

5. Another night, I lay in bed thinking about the Lakota Buffalo. You know, the white buffalo that the Lakota tribe believes will usher in a new age. It was born a while ago and I haven't heard anything about it. Apparently, nothing has happened. Here's the legend: http://www.kstrom.net/isk/arvol/buffpipe.html The owners refuse to sell the white buffalo and allow Native Americans to visit it. That's all I know.

Those crazy republicans.

Republican County Constable Larry Dale Floyd was arrested on suspicion of soliciting sex with an 8-year old girl. Floyd has repeatedly won elections for Denton County, Texas, constable.
Republican judge Mark Pazuhanich pleaded no contest to fondling a 10-year old girl and was sentenced to 10 years probation.
Republican Party leader Bobby Stumbo was arrested for having sex with a 5-year old boy.
Republican teacher and former city councilman John Collins pleaded guilty to sexually molesting 13 and 14 year old girls.
Republican campaign worker Mark Seidensticker is a convicted child molester.
Republican Mayor Philip Giordano is serving a 37-year sentence in federal prison for sexually abusing 8- and 10-year old girls.
Republican Mayor John Gosek was arrested on charges of soliciting sex from two 15-year old girls.
Republican County Commissioner David Swartz pleaded guilty to molesting two girls under the age of 11 and was sentenced to 8 years in prison.
Republican legislator Edison Misla Aldarondo was sentenced to 10 years in prison for raping his daughter between the ages of 9 and 17.
Republican Committeeman John R. Curtain was charged with molesting a teenage boy and unlawful sexual contact with a minor.
Republican anti-abortion activist Howard Scott Heldreth is a convicted child rapist in Florida.
Republican zoning supervisor, Boy Scout leader and Lutheran church president Dennis L. Rader pleaded guilty to performing a sexual act on an 11-year old girl he murdered.
Republican anti-abortion activist Nicholas Morency pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer and offering a bounty to anybody who murders an abortion doctor.
Republican campaign consultant Tom Shortridge was sentenced to three years probation for taking nude photographs of a 15-year old girl.
Republican racist pedophile and United States Senator Strom Thurmond had sex with a 15-year old black girl which produced a child.
Republican pastor Mike Hintz, whom George W. Bush commended during the 2004 presidential campaign, surrendered to police after admitting to a sexual affair with a female juvenile.
Republican legislator Peter Dibble pleaded no contest to having an inappropriate relationship with a 13-year-old girl.
Republican advertising consultant Carey Lee Cramer was charged with molesting his 9-year old step-daughter after including her in an anti-Gore television commercial.
Republican activist Lawrence E. King, Jr. organized child sex parties at the White House during the 1980s.
Republican lobbyist Craig J. Spence organized child sex parties at the White House during the 1980s.
Republican Congressman Donald "Buz" Lukens was found guilty of having sex with a female minor and sentenced to one month in jail.
Republican fundraiser Richard A. Delgaudio was found guilty of child porn charges and paying two teenage girls to pose for sexual photos.
Republican activist Mark A. Grethen convicted on six counts of sex crimes involving children.
Republican activist Randal David Ankeney pleaded guilty to attempted sexual assault on a child.
Republican Congressman Dan Crane had sex with a female minor working as a congressional page.
Republican activist and Christian Coalition leader Beverly Russell admitted to an incestuous relationship with his step daughter.
Republican Judge Ronald C. Kline was placed under house arrest for child molestation and possession of child pornography.
Republican congressman and anti-gay activist Robert Bauman was charged with having sex with a 16-year-old boy he picked up at a gay bar.
Republican Committee Chairman Jeffrey Patti was arrested for distributing a video clip of a 5-year-old girl being raped.
Republican activist Marty Glickman (a.k.a. "Republican Marty"), was taken into custody by Florida police on four counts of unlawful sexual activity with an underage girl and one count of delivering the drug LSD.
Republican legislative aide Howard L. Brooks was charged with molesting a 12-year old boy and possession of child pornography.
Republican Senate candidate John Hathaway was accused of having sex with his 12-year old baby sitter and withdrew his candidacy after the allegations were reported in the media.
Republican preacher Stephen White, who demanded a return to traditional values, was sentenced to jail after offering $20 to a 14-year-old boy for permission to perform oral sex on him.
Republican talk show host Jon Matthews pleaded guilty to exposing his genitals to an 11 year old girl.
Republican anti-gay activist Earl "Butch" Kimmerling was sentenced to 40 years in prison for molesting an 8-year old girl after he attempted to stop a gay couple from adopting her.
Republican Party leader Paul Ingram pleaded guilty to six counts of raping his daughters and served 14 years in federal prison.
Republican election board official Kevin Coan was sentenced to two years probation for soliciting sex over the internet from a 14-year old girl.
Republican politician Andrew Buhr was charged with two counts of first degree sodomy with a 13-year old boy.
Republican politician Keith Westmoreland was arrested on seven felony counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition to girls under the age of 16 (i.e. exposing himself to children).
Republican anti-abortion activist John Allen Burt was found guilty of molesting a 15-year old girl.
Republican County Councilman Keola Childs pleaded guilty to molesting a male child.
Republican activist John Butler was charged with criminal sexual assault on a teenage girl.
Republican candidate Richard Gardner admitted to molesting his two daughters.
Republican Councilman and former Marine Jack W. Gardner was convicted of molesting a 13-year old girl.
Republican County Commissioner Merrill Robert Barter pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual contact and assault on a teenage boy.
Republican City Councilman Fred C. Smeltzer, Jr. pleaded no contest to raping a 15 year-old girl and served 6-months in prison.
Republican activist Parker J. Bena pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography on his home computer and was sentenced to 30 months in federal prison and fined $18,000.
Republican parole board officer and former Colorado state representative, Larry Jack Schwarz, was fired after child pornography was found in his possession.
Republican strategist and Citadel Military College graduate Robin Vanderwall was convicted in Virginia on five counts of soliciting sex from boys and girls over the internet.
Republican city councilman Mark Harris, who is described as a "good military man" and "church goer," was convicted of repeatedly having sex with an 11-year-old girl and sentenced to 12 years in prison.
Republican businessman Jon Grunseth withdrew his candidacy for Minnesota governor after allegations surfaced that he went swimming in the nude with four underage girls, including his daughter.
Republican director of the "Young Republican Federation" Nicholas Elizondo molested his 6-year old daughter and was sentenced to six years in prison.
Republican president of the New York City Housing Development Corp. Russell Harding pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer.
Republican benefactor of conservative Christian groups, Richard A. Dasen Sr., was found guilty of raping a 15-year old girl. Dasen, 62, who is married with grown children and several grandchildren,
has allegedly told police that over the past decade he paid more than $1 million to have sex with a large number of young women.
Republican Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld authorized the rape of children in Iraqi prisons in order to humiliate their parents into providing information about the anti-American insurgency.
Republican serial killer Ted Bundy was hired by the Republican Party
Republican activist Matthew Glavin, who preached family values, was caught masturbating in public and fondling an undercover park ranger
Republican Party Chairman Sam Walls, who is married, was urged to drop his candidacy for Congress when it was found he likes to dress up in women's clothing
Republican anti-abortion activist Neal Horsley admitted to having sex with a mule
Republican Congressman Edward Schrock resigned from Congress after he was caught searching for sex on a gay telephone service
Republican Mayor Jim West Republican voter Timothy McVeigh bombed Oklahoma City championed an anti-gay agenda, but was later found to be gay himself
Republican preacher Jimmy Swaggart preached fidelity, but cheated on his wife with a prostitute
Republican Congressman Bob Livingston was about to vote for impeaching President Clinton for sexual improprieties until it was disclosed he was an adulterer
Republican Congressman Henry Hyde denounced President Clinton's extramarital affair, but was later found to be an adulterer himself
Republican benefactor of conservative Christian groups, Richard A. Dasen Sr., was found guilty of raping a 15-year old girl. Dasen, 62, who is married with grown children and several grandchildren,
has allegedly told police that over the past decade he paid more than $1 million to have sex with a large number of young women.

Haunted

I'm haunted by my past in the stupidest way imaginable.

Today, while in the shower, I remembered going to an amusement park near Salt Lake. I was very young and slightly scared to go on the "scary" ride called "Dracula's Castle". You sit in a little car and it slowly drives you by scary mannequins in various sinister poses. Coffins open slightly and spiders drop from the ceiling as you go by. I'm sure you have been on a ride like that. Well, when you first go though the door to get on the ride, there is an attendant that tries to scare you and sometimes push your car (I guess it gets stuck at the start sometimes). I thought I would be real clever and when the attendant started to push my car, I said, "Ahhh, I'm not your blood type!" What a dork!

So, now I'm in the shower in current times and I'm just thinking about what an idiot I am for making that stupid joke when I was probably only 12 years old. I'm always thinking about that. It just slows me down. I don't learn either. Today, even after my shower of shame, I made a stupid joke when getting change for a twenty. I said, "could I get 3 fives, and 5 ones...and 2 tens, and a fifty". God, I'm still a dork. I've even made that stupid joke before. Do I have an illness? I bet everyone does that when getting change. I would get so sick of that same joke told to me over and over. In fact, I do get sick of jokes told to dealers. Whenever the cut card comes, someone always says, "is that a wild card?" I laugh politely unless I don't like them.

What really gets me (now this is a tangent), is when people tell me stories of other people betting large amounts of money. They say it as to impress me. Who do they think they are talking to? Someone that doesn't deal everyday? They expect me to be shocked when they say that someone was betting $500 a hand and lost $10,000. I never tell them that I've dealt to someone at $25,000 a hand and they lost a million dollars.

Back to my shame, I remember when I was growing up, that if I said something dorky, I would hear it over and over again in my mind with the exact inflection as it was said. This was especialy true if it was quiet and nobody said anything after a vomited dork all over the place.

I guess there are worse things than being a dork, but why must it haunt me so?