Roller Rink from Hell

A friend of my had a birthday party and in true retro fashion, he had part of it at a roller skating rink.  Crystal Palace to be exact:

First, I have to say this.  Roller skating rinks have not changed.  They are exactly the same as they were in the seventies.  They have the same skates, the same horrible black confetti carpets, and the lame decorations that were originally suppose to make the place look like a futuristic disco, like Xanadu.  They even play the same music.  They played "Funkytown".  They even played "Get Down on It" by Kool and the Gang.  There was some new stuff too, but there was a sign stating that they would not play rap or heavy metal because they were not family oriented music.  They have obviously not heard "Who left the milk out?  Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck", which is not only a fictional song, but also reminds the listener that dairy needs to return to the refrigerator.  A lesson Greg has a hard time with, but I'm not pointing fingers.  One thing has changed though, kids now text and skate at the same time, which makes me fear for the safety of our roads in the near future. 

Greg and I arrived by ourselves, which only makes it look like we were in some sort of pedophilia club.  The place was absolutely packed with kids and I mean packed.  There was almost no spot to sit down to put on the skates.  I felt like I was in a Tokyo subway car.

Greg and I find the birthday party, who are skating, so we get on the rink...again, the Tokyo-subway-car rink.  Greg said he was nervous about being on skates again, which is funny, because I wasn't.  I figured I would pick it up quickly and it would be no big deal.  So, we get out onto the rink and I'm doing my best balance routine, which involves jerking forward, backward and flailing my arms.  All the while, the constant loud chaos of children is whizzing by me, sort of like having a hundred ambulances pass you out of nowhere.  I manage to get an eighth of the way around the rink when I stopped and fell.  Not a controlled fall either.  I was going down the way fate decided and I had no choice in the matter.  I fell back like someone pulled a rug from underneath me.  I landed on my back.  I hurt my elbow, which is all well and good, but the chaos continues to swirl around me.  I hear whoa's and people laughing at me, which is all fine.  I decide to hug the wall, until I get more used to it.  I get around once. 

Even hugging the wall, I skate slower than the trail of wall-hugging girls behind me.  Chris remarked that it looked like a mother duck with her little ducklings.  I also had to endure the snickers of the people standing on the other side of the wall looking in on the rink. 

I get off and tighten my laces, thinking that must be the problem.  Someone remarked that I need to go fast and then I wouldn't have a problem, in retrospect, they were wrong.  It's not like riding a bicycle where momentum is needed.  Anyway, I attempted to go faster and what a surprise, I fell.  A much nicer controlled fall this time, however, I caused a pile up behind myself.  I don't know how many went down, but it sounded like quite a calamity.  Again, there was a people on the sidelines laughing.  I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but this only made me feel like a fool.  I was feeling foolish.  My legs were already strained from not knowing what muscles to use, so I tensed them all.  You couldn't swing your arm without hitting ten kids....plus I was slower than the wall-huggers.  I went around one more time, wall-hugging, and got off. 

Greg skated fine and really enjoyed himself.  I would have tried more and enjoyed myself if it wasn't so crowded and I wasn't 2 feet taller than everyone.  I figure with my luck lately (see previous post), I shouldn't press it and end up with a broken limb.

This is the baddest day of my life

When I was three, I wrote myself a note that said, "this is the baddest day of my life".  I then put it in my file that had all my important documents like my birth certificate.  I can't believe that I was three when I wrote that, but thinking that I could have gotten the date wrong is just not possible.  I must admit though, I did spell "baddest" incorrectly...what an idiot.  Please note though that even at three, I used a period.

I'm not sure what happened that day and I realized that even at such a young age my memory was fallible, so it was good form for me to write some way to remember the travesties that occurred.  At a much later date, I wrote a note (now lost) stating that "Mom favors Kathy".  I'm sure a similar injustice occurred on March 25, 1974.  When addressing the matter with my parents, they are rather tight-lipped.  I'm sure that they are guilty of some heinous deed.

Today wasn't the baddest day.  To say so would cloud the already faded memory of 3/25/74.  However, today was a no good day...a no good day indeed.  I went to my eye appointment because of cloudiness in my left eye.  Well, I think partly because I have obscured vision in my left eye, I ran over a parking lot raised island.  This completely blew out my tire which I left in the parking lot as I went in to my appointment.

In my appointment, I learned that I had a virally induced corneal ulcer, which sounds so serious, but isn't that big of a deal.  When I went out to get my car, Greg was out there putting on my spare, which he first had to fill with air.  This was something that made my no good day, not so bad.  My eye appointment was next to a tire place and they replaced my tire and gave us a matching one at 4:55, even though they closed at 5:00.  That also made my no good day a little better.  However, it wasn't at all free, so I'm calling that event even.

I then went to get my three medications for my eye filled at Target....$200 and they have to special order one of them.

In other news, Greg diagnosed the ulcers before I went to my primary care doctor back in December.  Well, he said "you've got holes in your eyes".  He was right.  If only my primary care doctor actually looked at my eye this could have been taken care of a lot sooner.  She is now my previous primary care doctor.

Oh...and one of my fillings fell out.

My New Alarm Clock

I went out and bought a new alarm clock. Greg thinks it is frivolous and unneeded, but I wanted a new snazzy alarm clock. I'm just so tired of the $12.99 job that we have with the red numbers and wood paneling. What's with making plastic look like wood anyway? Plastic wood is undeniably tacky. It is the equivalent of fake wood paneling in the family rec room in the basement.

The clock I got can put you to sleep and wake you up to six different nature sounds. They really do sound different, too, not just six different kinds of static. OK, there is rain and waterfall. Those two are pretty much like static. Summer night has birds in it as does rainforest. Summer night has crickets. The nicest is thunder which sounds like thunder in the distance. Woudn't it suck if it sounded like thunder outside your window, perhaps with a glass cracking sound with it. (That has happened to me. My window cracked from the sound of thunder while I was in the room.) You can also do the radio thing. The clock is a sleek stylish grey plastic. I would prefer a different color, but what are you going to do. The most unusual part of the clock though is that it projects the time onto the ceiling. No more having to turn my head to check the time like a chump. Now, I can just open my eyes and if I'm facing the clock, fine, if not I can just look at the ceiling. It is a really pretty blue light too.

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g_eats 2004-09-25 04:15 am (local) (link) Select Ok I will admit that the new alarm clock does have a nice sleek design. Not the "tacky" plastic wood of our old alarm clock. However, the old alarm clocked worked just fine. I can't help it that I am practical in this one arena. I think it is silly to replace something that does not need replacing. Like for example: we had a cat that was no longer working so I replaced it with a cat that does work. Or lets say you go to turn on a lamp and well it turns on, nobody says ohh and turns it off and replaces the light bulb. Or runs water in the sink which moves flawlessly down the pipes, then gets the plunger and plunges the sink anyway. Or lets say you were listening to your favorite CD and it played perfectly, one would not go and buy a new one. I ll admit that in some situations replacing things that work fine are ok. Like for example: You are redecorating your living room and the couch does not go with the new decor, so you could replace it. Or your car has 250000 miles on it and it still runs good but you know it is soom going to become a money pit. I know that you could say that the new alarm clock was part of a redecorating scheme for our bedroom (which would fall under the redecorating clause), but I don't think anybody redecorates around an alarm clock. If however, that is your plan..then great I look forward to our sleek futuristic bedroom decor! (Reply to this) (Thread)

tuber_x 2004-09-26 09:13 pm (local) (link) Select It will be the bedroom of tomorrow. You will love it. (Reply to this) (Parent)

mkhobson 2004-09-25 01:13 pm (local) (link) Select I hate my alarm clock. It is a CD alarm clock, and it has a Tom Waits CD in it and for some reason it's programmed to wake me up with the saddest, most depressing song on the whole album. I haven't gotten around to changing the CD. Instead, I wake up every day to Tom Waits singing about a rose dying over someone's grave and how you can't feel the rain when you're dead. I should probably get around to changing that CD one of these days. MM (Reply to this) (Thread)

tuber_x 2004-09-25 11:37 pm (local) (link) Select It is happy to wake up to that song because it reminds you that you are still alive and can feel rain.

Wrapped in White Butcher Paper

I just read an amazing vision quest post by mkhobson that involved a car accident among other interesting adventures. It reminded me of my own less interesting experience as follows.

I came across an accident once in the middle of the night with some friends in an Oregon forest. We saw a fire in the forest and then after we passed someone said that they saw silvery light coming out as well like headlights. We backed up and determined it was a car and I called 911 from a nearby phone. We didn't look closely at the accident as we wouldn't know what to do. Luckily, help arrived very quickly.

We stopped at the next rest stop which had no lights on to speak of and found a lot of objects wrapped in white butcher paper piled in and around the garbage cans. They were labeled "shoulder", and "leg" etc. We found the one that looked the most like a wrapped human head. I was made the designated meat unwrapper. In the dark, as I unwrapped it, for a second, it looked just like a human head. A couple of my friends even gasped and one of them hit me in surprise (an odd reaction). Of course, it turned out to not be a human head. Probably, it was some other human part, but it looked like cow. Anyway, there was no wrapped meat labeled "head" to be found.

Update on Foot

Well, the swelling did go down. In its place are "Farah-Fawcett's-face-in-the-Burning-Bed"
-purple bruises. They really look like a battered spouse's face. Not that I know what a battered spouse's face looks like, but I have Lifetime, I know.

There is one large bruise on the side of my foot and then a mess of bruises around my toes. That's not where the swelling was, but I can feel and wiggle all my toes, so I figure I'm good to go. It doesn't hurt much at all, but looks impressive. I think I'll go for the sympathy factor.

The co-worker that gave me my current cold is also miserable. She says she never gets colds. For some reason, that makes me feel better. It's nice to know that I don't just get sick at the drop of a hat, no matter what Greg says. It took an unstoppable germ to get to me.

How the Rain Screwed Me Over....Twice!

It never rains here, but it did recently. I didn't get a drop on me, but I blame the rain for my current cold. I was successfully battling a cold that was coming on. I thought for sure I sent it packing. I felt I wouldn't get more than a slight feeling in my chest like a cough wasn't necessary, but wouldn't be out of place.

So, I went to get the mail and a neighbor said, "That was some rain. Do you think we get some more?" or some other inane pleasantry about the rain. I turned back but kept walking. I knew that if I got drawn into this particular neighbor's conversation I could be standing and chatting for hours about her dalmatian's bowel movement or the curious stain on the stucco. So, I kept walking, hoping to get to the couch waiting for me. Of course, karma is instant, while avoiding the topic of rain, I stepped on a small, one-inch curb twisting my ankle. Stupid rain and damn, my weak ankles! It was such horrible, torturous pain, but I couldn't let the neighbor know. She said, "Oh no, are you OK...anyway what about this weather?" I said, "I know....gotta walk this off." I preceded home. Once inside, I let out the standard swear word or two. I hobbled over to a chair and removed my sock. Wouldn't you know it, my foot swelled up to monstrous proportions. I figure that my body decided to go fight what was happening down there, leaving me to be ravished by this cold. In other words, rain begat conversation that begat swollen ankle that begat cold.

Tonight at work, I was lucky that I was at a pretty much dead table for most of the night. If you are a dealer and snot is running down your face, you have to wait for the floor supervisor to become available. Once available, you can ask the floor supervisor for a tissue. S/he will bring one to you and you are allowed to blow your nose while being watched by the floor supervisor. You then must give the tissue back to the supervisor for disposal (usually via an ashtray). The way my nose was leaking....anyway, it was bad.

The second way the rain screwed me over is as follows. (Keep in mind, that is hasn't rained in several months and it only rained for a couple of hours). So, this is the same period of rain we are talking about here. This one involved Greg. Greg now works at an animal hospital. A woman came in with a box and said, "I found this cat. I don't want this cat. You take this cat." Greg replied that she will have to take it to an animal shelter and that the hospital could not accept it. She left in a huff. Well, later, while it was raining,Greg heard a cat screaming outside. You probably have guessed the rest. Greg went outside to see the poor, drenched kitten. Now we have a new cat. I named him Ralph after my favorite character in The Simpsons. The name is subject to change. I did tell Greg he was not allowed to bring home any pets. He can't help it. Anything that is abandoned, he has to keep. Please pray that nothing else is abandoned. He said this will be the only one.

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mkhobson 2004-09-14 01:34 pm (local) (link) Select Goddamn it, Patrick, I'm away from LJ for a day or two and look what you go and do to yourself!! Is this a cry for help? ;-) I saw your later post where you said your swelling is going down, which is good. I'm glad to hear that. I've always had weak ankles myself, so I do sympathize. That's some horrible pain, especially when you first go down, and you hear that crack.... eeewww! I shudder just thinking about it. Tell Greg he's going to get points in Cat Heaven. Which is different from the Heaven that everyone else will be going to, except old ladies. M (Reply to this)

g_eats 2004-09-15 03:46 am (local) (link) Select Ya know Patrick if you are not nice I will continue to teach Ralph to bite your ears!! And, thank you M...see Patrick even M thinks it was good of me to save the poor little cat =P