Actually, it has a local flavor, but I don't like the taste of alcohol, big boobs and pretentious money.
In comes the Las Vegas Harvest Festival. We saw the ads on TV and thought that it looked lame but fun for an afternoon. After all, they showed people eating roasted corn and other people holding up plastic bags and exclaiming how they love free stuff. That's two of my favorite things, roasted corn and free stuff. How could we not go? Right? I mean even if it is bad, we can still eat roasted corn and partake in a lame goodie bag. Hey, even a lame goodie bag is a good goodie bag. Plus, we could look at produce and junk, right? I think the actual tag line was "food, fun, arts, crafts and free stuff!"
The lead up to the day we planned to go offered up some bad news. It costs money to get in. It costs $9 each to get in. Greg wondered what would happen if Walmart charged for people to get in to shop. He makes a good point. So, people pay money to have booths in the festival and people pay to get into the festival. Whoever is putting this on is one greedy SOB. They have to pay for a venue and the horrible live band playing in the back that interested no one. In return, they get this wonderful double dip of money from vendors and shoppers.
Well, we were desperate for something different. Greg woke me up early to go.....oh damn, I forgot that. The stupid festival was only open until 5:00 PM. This stupid "24-hour" town rolls up its sidewalk after 5PM for anyone that isn't drunk, horny or gambling. It seems the only thing open late is Barnes and Noble, which Greg and I have gone to on several, bored occasions. One time, after going to Barnes and Noble, we got pulled over at a DUI checkpoint. First time for that, I think we were the only ones that weren't getting arrested though.
We get in the car after I found two canned goods items to get $2 off each. They donate it to some battered women's shelter, because that is what Las Vegas has plenty of, battered women. We went to pick up our friend, TIna. In the car, I felt bad because I forgot to mention the canned goods discount. However, quite oddly, Tina had a can of roast beef in her purse. Fortune favors those who carry canned goods. There was actually a reason why she was carrying the can of roast beef around, but I like to leave that a mystery.
We get there and they are charging $3 for parking. Thus far, this shopping experience has cost us three: $24, a jar of spaghetti sauce, a can of peaches and a can of roast beef. However, we were hungry and ready to get to the roasted corn.
You can probably guess from my build-up that there was no roasted corn, as presented in the commercials. The kicker was that there was not a lot in the way of prepared food. "Food" was in their tagline. However, the only prepared food was a place that had dried out chicken fried steaks and the convention center concession stand with $8 hamburgers. So, by food, they meant the ample soup and dip mix stands that were everywhere mixed in with places selling beef jerky, candy, jams, and vinegar. There were three places selling vinegar and one of them was named "Tres Classique", a name that makes me picture a redneck trying to be pretentious (not that there is anything wrong with rednecks or being pretentious). We weren't really able to approach the soup and dip mix stands as they were always surrounded by snot-nose kids gobbling up the free samples.
There was no produce, so the name "Harvest" was a bit misleading. At least there was the free stuff, right? I saw people walking around with the same goodie bags that I saw people on TV holding up.. I figured that we just haven't come across the free stuff place yet. Tina suggested that maybe we were too late and they ran out. For $24 and canned goods, I better get free stuff. I found the free stuff booth and they weren't out. I was finally going to experience the excitement of getting free stuff. It's a high I never get tired off. I didn't care if it was tampon samples, I was elated. It turned out that the free stuff, the thing that pleased the happy people on TV, was the plastic bag. So, when they were holding up the plastic bag on the TV and saying "free stuff", they weren't referring to the stuff in the bag, they were referring to the cheap, plastic bag.
This place was a crap fest. Basically, if you could operate tin snips or a leather punch, you could have a booth. Here is an example of some of the crafts:
Put a picture of a cat sleeping on a T-shirt under the banner "Nap Attack" and you know the type of arts and crafts that were at this show. Very cheap, homemade stuff mixed in with semi-professional stuff. It was all overpriced. A stupid wind chime made with small wrenches cost $39. A lamp made out of plastic was $70. I bought mustard for $5.50, which is a rip off, but hey, I needed mustard. I also bought some soap. Greg knew that I was going to buy it before I did and said so to Tina, because it was a gay couple running the place. Damn him, he was right. It was a perfect trifecta of selling points for me: homemade soap, gay couple and bay rum scent. I just love homemade soap.
So, this is the local flavor of Las Vegas. Overpriced, screw-you-anyway-possible-out-of-your-money, crap.
But wait, it's not local flavor, the Las Vegas Harvest Festival is a traveling festival. This crap fest wasn't even local. What a slap in the face!
We do have a local farmer's market, but I hear that it is just as bad.
Whenever I go to one of those crafty festivals I always buy handmade soap and/or bath salts. They are both enjoyable and useful.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know, whoever the promoters were they were triple-dipping on the cash, because they surely charged the vendors to sell their hideous junk. So the promoter gets paid by the sellers, the buyers, and everyone inbetween.
I want to be a "Harvest Festival" promoter!
*wiping tears from my eyes*
ReplyDeleteIf only someone had paid you to review the Harvest Festival. The laugh I just had made it all worthwhile-- for me, I mean.
Las Vegas sounds a lot like my experience of living in Reno back in the 90's... in my brief attempt to settle into Reno, I watched a child left alone at night sobbing on a corner by an irritable gambling parent who preferred to go back in the casino while onlookers ignored the whole thing, I saw a dog abused right in front of me, I encountered a pervert lurking in a large city park who then chased me to some stranger's door where I had to beg the guy there for protection and he thought *I* was some con, and lastly, a woman who had just murdered a man out in the street, ran into the one person bathroom I was in at a bar and barricaded me in there with her while police shouted and demanded she surrender herself. It took me a whole month to give up and move back to Oregon.
Maybe you'd like to relocate up to here. :)
I can't resist overpriced, handmade soap.
ReplyDeleteOur plan is to relocate to Oregon after I finish nursing school, but the best laid plans blah, blah, blah.
ReplyDeleteReno sounds horrible!! That has to have added to your agoraphobia I would imagine. That's like dystopian, futuristic movie territory.
Craft festivals are a dime a dozen here. If you live here, you can find one within a two hour drive just about every weekend during "craft season".
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, they're usually not crapfests. You see people with handmade furniture, jewelry- LOTS of jewelry, musical instruments, quilts, baked goods, scented candles, and things that really defy description, like marshmallow guns, chainmail headdresses, and cuckoo clocks. Also, while you may pay to park, no "real" craft show charges people to get in. Some shows are even by invitation only, and the hosts spend the early season scouring other craft fairs for people whose work they like to invite. And there are always food offerings beyond your wildest dreams. Hamburgers, corn dogs, chili pies, cheese fries, kettle corn, deep fried Oreos/Twinkies/candy bars, and, of course, roasted corn.
I guess y'all just don't know how to have a craft fair out West. Hit one up in Kentucky sometime. :P
That's more like I was expecting.
ReplyDeleteKentucky here I come.
That's more like I was expecting.
ReplyDeleteKentucky here I come.
Whenever I go to one of those crafty festivals I always buy handmade soap and/or bath salts. They are both enjoyable and useful.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know, whoever the promoters were they were triple-dipping on the cash, because they surely charged the vendors to sell their hideous junk. So the promoter gets paid by the sellers, the buyers, and everyone inbetween.
I want to be a "Harvest Festival" promoter!