Any family's "Simplest Goodbye". I love that. I also love the fact that the disposal box is made of Kraft paper. That must be right on a par with corrugated cardboard. Don't be humiliated by burying Grandpa in that refrigerator box when a faux-wood alternative is affordably within reach. Also, what the hell is all that stuff arranged on the top of the coffin? That looks like a nice bread & cheese appetizer on the left, by the clock. People can come, pay their last respects, check the time, and have a nibble.
I have dumb ol' work to finish. But maybe later. Mostly I've been reading this week. Going back to the well. Oh, and dodging the U of O alumni people. Christ Jesus, but they're annoying little pricks. I've gotten three nagging emails from them just today. I refuse to call them just because they're annoying.
Yeah, I got an e-mail and a letter today. It says to update my information by calling. I already updated my information online a month ago. I'm almost certain that it is a trick. Oh, except I don't think they have my real phone number, I gave a fake one. At least, I hope I did. I always give out a fake phone number nowadays. I never answer my phone. I don't know why I bother.
Are you a phone phobe? I hate answering the phone. I always feel like it's going to be bad news, or I'm going to get trapped into doing something I don't want to do. I despise answering the phone. I make Dan or Nora answer it and then tell people I'm not there.
Yep, I'm a phone phobe of sorts. It's always a "survey" or someone wanting to ruin your evening with their plans. I just screen. Greg will NOT answer the phone at all, ever. He only screens. I answer when I'm job hunting, because I don't want to be rude.
I feel dense. Are they saying that I can purchase the casket, plus "inserts," and then bury each of my loved ones in a different insert as they kick off while still displaying them all in the same attractive casket? Are you kidding me with this? So, where is the attractive casket kept until it's *needed*? If you tell me, "at the mortuary" then what you are saying is that I am essentially renting a coffin exterior over and over for each of my departed loved ones...? If you tell me that I am supposed to store it somewhere on my own, I have to ask myself just how much of a cheap and cynical bastard I really am. "Kids! How many times have I told you not to play down in the storage room! Get up here right now, and DO NOT climb around in the casket! It's disrespectful to Aunt Eleanor." "Oh Great. Hon-ey! I just noticed that there was a leak in the garage, and the casket got major water damage along the left side. Come here and look at this. Now what are we supposed to bury everyone in?!" I really dont understand.
Too funny. That's not quite it, but I like the idea. No, this is for cremation. The outside of the casket the funeral homes reuse and display more than your Aunt Sally in it. They also display someone else's Grandmother and someone else's little Joey. You get the idea. The insert is just what they keep and transport the bodies on and put into the furnace. In other words, the inserts are not reused is what I'm thinking. Anyway, funeral homes can do this and then charge you for a cakset when really they are reusing it and charging you rent, probably enough rent to cover the cost of the whole thing. In other words, funeral homes are a scam.
So, I took a closer look at the original ad and it is an unfinished yarn creation and knitting needles, not delicious cheese. There is also a figurine of a woman with a child, a glass paper weight, a bottle of perfume, and some sort of dried vegetation perhaps made into a tiny, ugly wreath. I think the clock is just there to time how long the bereaved take for their viewings. "30 seconds, time's up.... Next."
No, the clock is there to remind you of the grim, creeping inevitability of death. And the knitting is there to remind you of the grim, creeping inevitability of your Aunt Susan's Christmas sweaters. And the perfume is there to mask the smell of the cheap, cheap cardboard, because if you have the funeral service on a humid day, it's likely to smell like the loading dock of a Safeway.
I think the knitting needle is a reminder to Aunt Susie that she's left unfinished projects lying around. That is soooo Aunt Susie....to die without even finishing that pot holder. Everyone's pretty pissed about it. "Here you go Aunt Susie. Finish it in hell!"
No, the clock is there to remind you of the grim, creeping inevitability of death. And the knitting is there to remind you of the grim, creeping inevitability of your Aunt Susan's Christmas sweaters. And the perfume is there to mask the smell of the cheap, cheap cardboard, because if you have the funeral service on a humid day, it's likely to smell like the loading dock of a Safeway.
Are you a phone phobe? I hate answering the phone. I always feel like it's going to be bad news, or I'm going to get trapped into doing something I don't want to do. I despise answering the phone. I make Dan or Nora answer it and then tell people I'm not there.
Too funny. That's not quite it, but I like the idea. No, this is for cremation. The outside of the casket the funeral homes reuse and display more than your Aunt Sally in it. They also display someone else's Grandmother and someone else's little Joey. You get the idea. The insert is just what they keep and transport the bodies on and put into the furnace. In other words, the inserts are not reused is what I'm thinking. Anyway, funeral homes can do this and then charge you for a cakset when really they are reusing it and charging you rent, probably enough rent to cover the cost of the whole thing. In other words, funeral homes are a scam.
Any family's "Simplest Goodbye".
ReplyDeleteI love that. I also love the fact that the disposal box is made of Kraft paper. That must be right on a par with corrugated cardboard. Don't be humiliated by burying Grandpa in that refrigerator box when a faux-wood alternative is affordably within reach.
Also, what the hell is all that stuff arranged on the top of the coffin? That looks like a nice bread & cheese appetizer on the left, by the clock. People can come, pay their last respects, check the time, and have a nibble.
Yum cheese! You can set up the buffet right on your loved one. Too funny.
ReplyDeleteI love that this ad starts with "Cremation Revenue Recovery Made Simple".
"Murray always loved a good buffet. A good buffet and a good bargain. God love ya, Murray, you'll be missed."
ReplyDeleteYou're too good right now....you should be writing.
ReplyDeleteI have dumb ol' work to finish. But maybe later.
ReplyDeleteMostly I've been reading this week. Going back to the well. Oh, and dodging the U of O alumni people. Christ Jesus, but they're annoying little pricks. I've gotten three nagging emails from them just today. I refuse to call them just because they're annoying.
Yeah, I got an e-mail and a letter today. It says to update my information by calling. I already updated my information online a month ago. I'm almost certain that it is a trick. Oh, except I don't think they have my real phone number, I gave a fake one. At least, I hope I did. I always give out a fake phone number nowadays. I never answer my phone. I don't know why I bother.
ReplyDeleteAre you a phone phobe? I hate answering the phone. I always feel like it's going to be bad news, or I'm going to get trapped into doing something I don't want to do. I despise answering the phone. I make Dan or Nora answer it and then tell people I'm not there.
ReplyDeleteYep, I'm a phone phobe of sorts. It's always a "survey" or someone wanting to ruin your evening with their plans. I just screen. Greg will NOT answer the phone at all, ever. He only screens. I answer when I'm job hunting, because I don't want to be rude.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Greg. I screen. If it's something important, I'll call back. Less pressure that way. It lets me be in control -- to the Xtreme!
ReplyDeleteI feel dense. Are they saying that I can purchase the casket, plus "inserts," and then bury each of my loved ones in a different insert as they kick off while still displaying them all in the same attractive casket?
ReplyDeleteAre you kidding me with this?
So, where is the attractive casket kept until it's *needed*? If you tell me, "at the mortuary" then what you are saying is that I am essentially renting a coffin exterior over and over for each of my departed loved ones...? If you tell me that I am supposed to store it somewhere on my own, I have to ask myself just how much of a cheap and cynical bastard I really am.
"Kids! How many times have I told you not to play down in the storage room! Get up here right now, and DO NOT climb around in the casket! It's disrespectful to Aunt Eleanor."
"Oh Great. Hon-ey! I just noticed that there was a leak in the garage, and the casket got major water damage along the left side. Come here and look at this. Now what are we supposed to bury everyone in?!"
I really dont understand.
Oh wait. This is an ad for funeral parlors, not private citizens, right? So that would mean that they are--
ReplyDeleteNope. I still dont get it.
Too funny. That's not quite it, but I like the idea. No, this is for cremation. The outside of the casket the funeral homes reuse and display more than your Aunt Sally in it. They also display someone else's Grandmother and someone else's little Joey. You get the idea. The insert is just what they keep and transport the bodies on and put into the furnace. In other words, the inserts are not reused is what I'm thinking. Anyway, funeral homes can do this and then charge you for a cakset when really they are reusing it and charging you rent, probably enough rent to cover the cost of the whole thing. In other words, funeral homes are a scam.
ReplyDeleteSo, I took a closer look at the original ad and it is an unfinished yarn creation and knitting needles, not delicious cheese. There is also a figurine of a woman with a child, a glass paper weight, a bottle of perfume, and some sort of dried vegetation perhaps made into a tiny, ugly wreath.
ReplyDeleteI think the clock is just there to time how long the bereaved take for their viewings. "30 seconds, time's up.... Next."
No, the clock is there to remind you of the grim, creeping inevitability of death. And the knitting is there to remind you of the grim, creeping inevitability of your Aunt Susan's Christmas sweaters.
ReplyDeleteAnd the perfume is there to mask the smell of the cheap, cheap cardboard, because if you have the funeral service on a humid day, it's likely to smell like the loading dock of a Safeway.
I think the knitting needle is a reminder to Aunt Susie that she's left unfinished projects lying around. That is soooo Aunt Susie....to die without even finishing that pot holder. Everyone's pretty pissed about it. "Here you go Aunt Susie. Finish it in hell!"
ReplyDeleteNo, the clock is there to remind you of the grim, creeping inevitability of death. And the knitting is there to remind you of the grim, creeping inevitability of your Aunt Susan's Christmas sweaters.
ReplyDeleteAnd the perfume is there to mask the smell of the cheap, cheap cardboard, because if you have the funeral service on a humid day, it's likely to smell like the loading dock of a Safeway.
Oh wait. This is an ad for funeral parlors, not private citizens, right? So that would mean that they are--
ReplyDeleteNope. I still dont get it.
Are you a phone phobe? I hate answering the phone. I always feel like it's going to be bad news, or I'm going to get trapped into doing something I don't want to do. I despise answering the phone. I make Dan or Nora answer it and then tell people I'm not there.
ReplyDeleteToo funny. That's not quite it, but I like the idea. No, this is for cremation. The outside of the casket the funeral homes reuse and display more than your Aunt Sally in it. They also display someone else's Grandmother and someone else's little Joey. You get the idea. The insert is just what they keep and transport the bodies on and put into the furnace. In other words, the inserts are not reused is what I'm thinking. Anyway, funeral homes can do this and then charge you for a cakset when really they are reusing it and charging you rent, probably enough rent to cover the cost of the whole thing. In other words, funeral homes are a scam.
ReplyDelete