Twilight - The conflict that almost was.

Despite mkhobson's intelligent warnings regarding the film, "Twilight", I watched it on DVD today.   I was curious as to what all the hubbub was about.  It turned out to be a total chick flick.


What I found curious about this film is the lack of any real conflict.  Surely, the situation for the heroine in this film is every teenage girl's dream. 

First, she ends up living with her Dad who pretty much leaves her alone.  Despite what is normally portrayed in films, this is the ideal situation for any sullen teenager.  A parent that doesn't bug you and provides you with a truck your first day there.  NO REAL CONFLICT

Secondly, she ends up in a school where she is instantly popular through no remarkable achievement of her own.  The conflict being of course that they want to do a school newspaper feature on her, but she doesn't want that...instantly resolved although it was NEVER A REAL CONFLICT

Thirdly, she has a problem of too many guys asking her out to the prom.  She says "she's out of town".  NO REAL CONFLICT

Fourthly, the only boy there that she is intrigued by has a really strong reaction to her, albeit negative in appearance at first.  This is only gives his character a uniqueness and is NOT A REAL CONFLICT as he begins stalking her in a cuddly, yearning way.

Fifthly, she learns that he is a vampire (NO CONFLICT IF YOU KNOW TEENAGERS AT ALL).  He is a vampire that's conflict with the sun is that his skin glistens as if covered by millions of tiny diamonds....oh my god!!!  NO CONFLICT!  She also gets to ride him, which is so like the typical girl fantasy of owning a horse or pony.

Sixthly, he desires her so much that he is unable to become remotely sexual with her, so they spend their time talking and cuddling on her bed.  NO CONFLICT  That's right!  One of the conflicts is that he desires her too much.  This has the double whammy of allowing the girl to feel desirable, but not having to feel threatened.  Perfect for the "abstinent-only"-education-minded.  What kind of vampire story is this?!?!  Anyway, I bet in the series, she has sex once she changes, if ever.  That is, if the writer is trying to have vampirism as a symbolism for sexuality or what not...can you say cliché?

Seventhly, OK, that was the first hour and a half of the movie.  Now there is twenty minutes of some bad vampire hunting her, but they all kill him.  THE END

All in all it was like watching a pretty girl, wearing a Hello Kitty shirt, combing Malibu Barbie's hair while riding a unicorn through a giant doll house during a tea party where everyone praises her.

And I don't think that anybody in the film was gorgeous like everyone is saying, so there!